Monday, April 14, 2014

Crossroads Part 2

As I wait and anticipate the big date ( April 21 ) to start writing my story, I can't help but take notes in my head.  Part of me wants to do that on paper right now, but I won't and I refuse.  I was at a retreat this weekend and it was all about our stories; telling them, writing them, sharing them.  Our speaker spoke of an experience that she found herself alone for three hours a week and she started talking to God about herself.  She shared with God all about her.  Yes, God knows us already.  Of course He does, He created us, BUT He still wants us to share with Him about ourselves.  It's like having a conversation with a friend.  Tell them all about us.  This got me thinking and I decided that when I start writing my story, I will write it to  God.  Not only will I share with Him but I will ask Him questions and will most likely be very annoying.  lol  When I get going with my questions, I sometimes feel like a 4 year old who asks 437 questions a day ( I just read that on facebook so it must be true).  It's probably pretty close.  lol

Some of you may wonder why I'm starting then.  Why not now while I'm thinking about it?  Well, it's part of my personality to be able to have some kind of plan.  They usually end up awry but I need a starting point.  It is what it is and so am I.

I will leave you with a daily message that I am looking at today:

God delights in me and He loves me simply because I am His.  Know this Truth friends and remember it. 

Monday, April 7, 2014

Crossroads Part 1

I have been looking for a certain book about a particular issue/s.  I have looked and checked all my favorite Christian Authors and beyond and have found nothing.  All the secular articles and book excerpts I've read about the subject leave me feeling empty and doesn't seem to me that they are the way that God would want me handle the issues.  God is number one in my life.  At the same time, I still believe in common sense and believe God wants me to have it while I think about decisions and choices that have to be made.

This all being said, I wonder if this is the book that God wants me to write?  About a year or so ago I gave all my hopes and dreams to God.  My reasoning for that, my prayer to God was that I wanted my dreams, my passions to line up with His plans for my life.  In the meantime since then, I learned more about Him in His Word.  I learned and continue to learn tonnes of new things in counseling.  There is no end to what we can study in the Bible about God.  In fact, I get overwhelmed and when that happens I step back too far so I've been learning to keep it simple.

I call myself a writer though I haven't written much lately.  The last few weeks I have had several instances of hints that perhaps  it is time to write my story.  I think about it and it scares me to death but maybe it's time for me to take down the wall of fear that is surrounding my heart and surrender my fears to God.  Yes, I know what I'm supposed to do but for some reason acceptance is hard for me.  Acceptance in any area really.  To me, acceptance isn't just acknowledging something, but it has to change your life.  Even for those of us who have been dealing with things a certain way ( that doesn't work ) the whole idea of accepting something new ( and the fact that it just might work) is the hardest and scariest thing to do.  It's easy to be in our comfort zone of just accepting things for what they have become.  Change is hard, but it necessary especially if you want to be in God's will for your life. I want my life to reflect Christ in everything I say and do. 

I'm at a crossroad right now and it's time to make some decisions.  It's time to write.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

The Answer is Truly Jesus

Interesting how every question I have about my life, my circumstances my faith all have the same answer:  Christ and who I am in Him.

I find being  Christian can be really hard some days.  I'm so bad at it.  I've been born again for coming on 19 years and only in the last almost two years am I getting a grasp on what it's all about.  Not about how to be one just about on what being one is. 

My depression brought me to counseling and through that I also get a lot of spiritual counseling too.  So much is new to me and I find that odd but for the first time ever, I have HOPE.  I may never be able to grasp " Christianity " but I'm learning to grasp God's love for me.  That is so huge for me.  In fact, it scares me.

Learning that God is actually a loving God really blew me away.  I saw it and learned it the first time this week and today I got a chance to talk about it with my Pastor.  As Christians we seem to get so many of our ideas from others and from Traditions rather than right out of the Bible.  Never mind those footnotes at the bottom of the Bible.  I think I will start using a Bible with no footnotes.  I discovered this week just how much they can affect you and not for the good.  They were written by "man" or should I say " a couple men or women " whereas the Bible was written by God.  I'd rather learn from Him.

Anyway, Jesus is the answer to all my questions.  Who I am in Christ and believing it is the key to a happy and joyful future even in the midst of circumstances I can't control.  This gives me HOPE.  It gives me hope knowing that I don't have to be downer my whole life and that there is indeed a purpose for my life.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Teaching Prayer

Wow, it's been a longtime since I have blogged.  I think the biggest reason is trying to understand and know why I blog.  Is it for me?  Is it so Alexis can be glorified for her intelligence and grace?  UGH!  That's why.  I have a tendency to overthink.  I go all the way to the left and then all the way to the right.  Focus and Balance, unfortunately, still aren't a huge part of my vocabulary and life but I'm learning.  ANYWAY... to God be the Glory, Great things He has done and continue to do in and through me.  I praise Him for that.

I praise Him for the opportunity to teach Sunday School.  On a normal day, 4 kids and on a full house day, 7 kids.  I love them dearly....truly I do.  I'm learning so much from them.  A few Sundays ago God spoke to me Sunday Morning that I was to switch my lesson.  I go to church Sunday afternoons so I quickly changed things up and got prepared.  I was to start teaching on prayer.  I am using two text books.  The Bible and a book called " The Power of a Praying Kid " by Stormie Omartian.

Prayer is something I struggle with.  As the last two weeks have gone by God has revealed little things to me and is showing me more information, more things to share with the kids and more things that I need to know.  He knows way better than me what I need.  Just because I want something so bad, or I want a situation to change, doesn't mean that it's part of God's plan.  Even if it's a really hard situation.  God sees the big picture.  It's a hard pill to swallow sometimes and it seems like I choke on that pill a lot. 

Not only do we as adults struggle, but our kids struggle too.  My goal is to show them and teach them that we all serve a God who is approachable anytime, anywhere, anyhow.  Not only that, we can go to Him for anything.  My goal also is to show them how worthy He is of Praise, Glory and Thanks.  Not only is He there to answer our prayers according to His will, but first He is there to be praised and worshiped.  Prayer isn't just a matter of asking for things, it is about Worship.

So, that's where it's at.  Again, I thank God for this amazing opportunity and for the fact that I can learn about prayer through the eyes of a kid.  I have them until grade 6 and then they move on.  They enter some pretty tough years. 

To God be the GLORY!

Monday, December 30, 2013

New Years, Already! ( sorry for the long post ) I guess I'm chatty this morning. :)

I'm sitting her this cool snowy day thinking about 2014 and other things.  I'm enjoying a coffee and wishing for a maid so someone else would make my breakfast,  I feel that way sometimes.  :)  I haven't done tonnes of writing in my blog this year.  Some things are just too private to share and if I can't share it all, then why bother?  A few of my surface plans for the New Year:

Instead of One Word, I'm choosing the same word I used last year and adding another one to it that seems to have latched on anyway.  GRACE and TRUTH.  The big thing...learning to speak the TRUTH out with GRACE and making and enforcing more boundaries as I need them.  I have discovered too that more often than not, I need to get way better at extending grace, especially to those closest to me.

I am choosing two verses.  I'm still working on one to make sure it means what I think it does so I won't share my verses with you yet.  One is about MY THOUGHTS and one is about WORSHIP.  Two things I want to concentrate on this year in my Spiritual walk with God.  They go very much hand in hand.  I can't Worship if my Thoughts are on things that are not of God.

I also have found a Bible reading plan.  It's a two year plan.  Hmmmm my number seems to be "2" this year.  :)  After two years you have read the Bible once and the Psalms 4 times.  Less to read daily, less to have to attempt to chew on and understand.  We will see if it works for me.

I  have found a planner that I like with the daily chores already on it.  I started it yesterday.  I think it will be good for me.  I need to get a bit of a schedule going again. 

I am getting some meal plans ready. They won't be ready by the January 1 but they should be ready for next week anyway.  I think it will be way easier to handle my diabetes with all my meals  planned and snacks as well.  Going with the same health theme, Danny and I will get out and get some exercise daily ( that's a hard one).  Motivation for this isn't always high at all!.  I wish we had room for a treadmill.  I would use one of them for sure.  But, until we get Greg moved downstairs, I have no where to put one ( unless I put it downstairs ).  I'll have to think on that one.   I have a video and once it's nicer outside we have a huge back yard to play in.  :)

All this being said, I am not tying myself to any of this.  Life happens, depression happens.  My worse time of year happens ( which is soon ) so I will allow myself to not be perfect.  I will allow myself to fail and will try not to condemn.  If today is bad, tomorrow will be better.  I will allow bad days and fight through them pleading with my Jesus who will NOT EVER let me down.  I will attempt to stop comparing myself to others who seem to have it all together.  It's so much easier to share the good days and the good times, than to share the bad and make yourself vulnerable to those who claim to not have bad days.  I will attempt to become content with what I cannot control and look to God for those moments I just want to run.  I will try not to be a nuisance and run and hide every time something happens that scares me, makes me mad, or just plain makes me feel CRAZY.  I've been reading recently that I can't change people and their habits so I will attempt to NOT do that and let them be who they are.  It's not my job to play God, it's my job to turn to God, let go, and let HIM!  I've also been reading that God knows and He knew what was coming in our lives.  He allowed it.  Even though I don't agree with what He allowed ( I think I'm allowed to feel that way), I will respect it and will carry on and attempt to put all my trust in God.  My faith seems to have been weak as of late.  Being a doer, it's hard to know what I can do to make it stronger ( if I even can ).

I will concentrate on what is good and what is Godly.  I will LOVE!

So, hopefully I haven't set myself up for FAILING but if I did, I'm thankful that I serve a GOD who is NOT a failure and will never leave me nor forsake me.  In and through God, I am a Winner. 

Blessings to all my friends.  Happy New Year and Talk to you next year!!!

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Health or ????

It's all Math really, Calorie Counting, Carb Counting, Blood Pressure taking, Sugar's all Math and math is not my strong point.  I have to say that I am actually enjoying counting all these and keeping track of my health in this way.  I was just keeping a normal food journal, writing what times and what I eat but three days ago added calorie and carb numbers to it.  It's almost a challenge.  NOW if I can figure out the cooking part.  Looking forward to seeing the dietician to figure it all out.

I came across some great healthy products but am finding some of them aren't so great for diabetics( pretty high car counts).  Diabetes has definitely become my lifestyle now and I have so many questions.  I'm so thankful for the help that my community has for it.

NOW...if I would only exercise.  THAT is my biggest hurdle and I can tell you this much for free....depression does not help it at all BUT it can't be used as an excuse.  I must march forth.


Crazy life.  ♥♥♥